Things I Said on Twitter in 2012

The year in review, in micro-blog form. 572 posts excluding replies averaging over 1.5 tweets per day. This is mostly for my own reference, but, you might be bored enough to look at this as well. Who knows!

2011 can eat the corn from my shit…thankfully 2012 is here so that I can change nothing and get more of the same! Wait a minute…

2012-01-01 06:18:38
Aww… My hash browns are slightly undercooked and my coffee is too hot. 2012 is ruined. #2012isRuined

2012-01-01 15:42:46
Just kidding about the hash browns… They were actually quite good… Crisis partially averted #2012isInconvenienced

2012-01-01 15:44:41
Oh no.. Pants have been torn… fuck this year… #2012isRuined

2012-01-01 18:36:37
Not, mind you, *my* pants… Or even important pants…

2012-01-01 18:37:18
The big lamp is giving way less light than the small lamp. Fuck this year… #2012isRuined

2012-01-01 19:19:08
I need a monkey suit like from the Bad Touch video… Without it… #2012isRuined

2012-01-01 19:55:30
RT @BorowitzReport: Remember, Michele Bachmann doesn’t know the meaning of the word surrender. Also: the words science, math, apple, cat.

2012-01-04 23:10:36
Same applies to Neveah or Alize RT @kellyoxford Name your girl “Angel” or “Heaven” and she will spend 85% of her life in a bikini or a gang.

2012-01-05 12:23:07
RT @marick: In an excess of childishness, and per @jbarnette and others, have aliased info, warn, error, and fatal log levels to fyi, wt …

2012-01-06 00:33:00
I have to get up at a normal time tomorrow morning… Fuck this year! #2012isRuined

2012-01-06 03:38:09
Starbucks gave me a lukewarm coffee…fmy #2012isRuined

2012-01-06 13:50:40
Lol…truth! RT @Vakkotaur @jer_ And it was Starbucks “coffee” #2012isRuined no matter the temperature.

2012-01-06 14:05:04
RT @gamrillen: “If porn was banned on the Internet, there would only be one website left and it would be called ‘Bring Back the Porn'”

2012-01-06 21:46:08
The “@pattonoswalt vs Video Recorder” debacle has brought to light some seriously disturbing shit…do you see how many comics use Tumblr!?

2012-01-07 14:16:20
I mean, there is also the bevy of fucktards claiming @pattonoswalt should be grateful…but mostly its grown men with a 14yo girl’s blog

2012-01-07 14:20:00
RT @emilepetrone: Levis makes a pair of Mens skinny jeans called “Ex-girlfriend jeans”. If you own a pair, we can’t be friends

2012-01-07 21:53:37
People: companies hate you and love your money. Remember that, then stop giving cash to those that don’t at least pretend to love you!

2012-01-08 07:41:02
It is depressing how much of my intellect I devote to avoiding rush hour (the traffic, not the delightful Jackie Chan romp)

2012-01-10 12:56:39
Jesus Christ! The con is just over a week away and I have *too much* to do!

2012-01-11 13:14:47
I feel like I just use twitter to retweet @TheBloggess lately…but… RT @TheBloggess http://t.co/KT1OUTUX I’m five of these people. You?

2012-01-12 13:57:18
Yeah, guess who’s not doing that… #EpicConfusion RT @ConFusionMI For Epic Confusion 2012 the hashtag will be #epicfus

2012-01-13 22:16:07
(#EpicFusion if you’re feeling nasty!) RT @ConFusionMI For Epic Confusion 2012 the hashtag will be #epicfus

2012-01-13 22:16:37
I stood and started a slow clap in this Starbucks about 15 minutes ago. Mostly, people ignored it entirely. HOW DO YOU IGNORE THAT!?!??!

2012-01-13 22:34:56
I’m ~6′ tall and nearly 250lbs, shaved completely bald, wearing a camouflage Gore-tex, and clap *REALLY* loudly. #HardToIgnore

2012-01-13 22:36:44
Lol…for better or worse, all too true… (my wife says worse) RT @gbjazzman @jer_ you’re hard to ignore without the clapping

2012-01-13 22:44:02
Gonna need bail money, y’all! RT @BaDawnKDonk Hey @jer_ – Groupon has a deal today for tickets to the Palace for a cheer competition.

2012-01-14 14:59:50
Mine goal is “shortest marriage of the year” RT @KimKardashian Set your daily goals before bed so that can start your day organized

2012-01-14 15:07:16
It’s so loud! RT @gamrillen is busy printing out all of the OSHA hotel policies he can find in preparation for @confusion.

2012-01-14 22:12:52
Our waitress reminded another waitress of @BaDawnKDonk, @NakedComedy, and my visit from the summer as “remember that table 32?”

2012-01-16 14:06:02
The response was “With the bacon?”
So excited about seeing them this weekend!

2012-01-16 14:07:09
Amber has expressed that she misses @BaDawnKDonk. She also reportedly misses @NakedComedy’s car. I’m sure she misses @NakedComedy too…

2012-01-16 14:09:12
RT @Sheryl67: Thanks to Subterranean Press and JohnScalzi ConFusion will be giving away copies of THE SAGAN DIARY by JohnScalzi to every …

2012-01-16 16:30:04
Seriously…a fucking egg drop in a newly remodeled suite. FUCKING SERIOUSLY!??

2012-01-17 16:43:27
ibloviate won’t be spreading inappropriate humor and rage today. Go channel your inner jer_, be a dick: http://t.co/hMrOXnP0

2012-01-18 14:31:19
Lmao… Seriously… My favorite right now… RT @RandyTheRandom Oh, I can’t stop reading @herpderpedia, a trainwreck of stupid.

2012-01-18 18:19:31
I have ridiculous beard dandruff… How does that even happen? #2012isRuined

2012-01-18 19:13:39
Holy shit, my tablet just got OTA updated to Ice Cream Sandwich. <3

2012-01-19 11:39:23
RT @ConFusionMI: It seems that we are short volunteers – double-credit for work tonight, please come up for a couple of hours and help.

2012-01-20 00:52:23
QOTD: “It tastes like a unicorn crapped in my mouth.” -@dugan

2012-01-20 04:17:14
I went to bed at 2, why the crap am I awake?

2012-01-20 12:02:22
Going down to breakfast if anyone is hungry… #EpicConFusion

2012-01-20 12:24:37
A free membership to #EpicConFusion for the first person to bring a life-sized (or nearly so) Lego Talia from “The Stepsister’s Scheme”

2012-01-20 13:56:40
Apparently, if you want a free hotel room at #ConFusion, do the equivalent of a panel then ask the AASFA board for cash and you’re in!

2012-01-21 00:28:43
Shit, morning, what are you doing here…

2012-01-21 12:58:09
Time for food… And coffee… Definitely coffee… #EpicConFusion

2012-01-21 13:33:17
When you choose to sneak and lie to get your way, you negate our chance to make arrangements for your special case…

2012-01-21 22:19:09
Holy shit…in the midst of Doselle Young speaking about “The Other in Comics”, he was Nerf-assassinated! Hilarity… #EpicConFusion

2012-01-21 22:27:12
Same panel… While they discuss homosexual characters in comics, I accidentally dim the lights to romantic levels. #EpicConFusion

2012-01-21 22:41:19
This panel has an exceptionally high rate of accidental prop comedy. Great conversation though. #EpicConFusion

2012-01-21 22:43:06
Going to do breakfast in about 30 minutes (930)… For those interested…

2012-01-22 13:57:30
QOTD: “So you’re saying I can have rack of lamb and chicken wings? SOLD!” –@gamrillen

2012-01-22 22:40:07
Not…a…good…day… Strike that, fucking terrible day.

2012-01-23 15:13:24
Today, I hang on by the slimmest of threads… It is very hard to get anything productive done…

2012-01-24 15:02:46
Raise your hand if you just caused an accident between a vehicle and a building… /me raises his hand

2012-01-26 02:56:49
A car was stalled in a drive-thru. I advised they pull it up out of the way. They left the car in neutral…the rest is history :)

2012-01-26 03:35:58
Wow, everybody’s everything is happening on Saturday!

2012-01-26 03:40:35
My waitress at the sushi restaurant is not Asian… #2012isRuined

2012-01-26 22:22:06
Seriously, who isn’t this week shitting on? RT @bddecker This week has gone totally sideways. I either need to work harder or start drinking

2012-01-27 15:22:57
RT @Vakkotaur: #penguicon folks, ACME Delivery could use your input again: http://t.co/8GtttVPO (Spread this around.. thanks)

2012-01-27 15:39:23
RT @jakedfw: “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say yes “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising he …

2012-01-27 16:18:48
Apparently there’s a mail-a-day thing for February. Email me your address if you want me to send you things. (spoiler: 100% bodily fluids)

2012-01-28 03:03:11
Charlie Sheen drank some right before some interviews… RT @OmHeartMother @jer_ Oooo! I could have Jer blood? Sign me up!

2012-01-28 03:13:43
RT @haveyoumetjoe: “I have a child-bearing anus” – @jer_

2012-01-29 02:31:12
QOTD: “When did my asshole become everyone’s play thing” -@atdt1991

2012-01-29 04:10:45
My “Hawking” combo won… http://t.co/gQ6ufAZo

2012-01-29 04:37:22
RT @UofMD_Jer: The meeting with the Hyatt went brilliantly…this year’s @Penguicon is going to be AMAZING. The hotel is pulling out the …

2012-01-30 20:13:24
Hotel Info… http://t.co/C7uAABTJ RT @AlexDeGruven @jer_ Any idea on rates yet? Starting my planning.

2012-01-30 20:17:41
Me: I should sync more music to my Xoom
Xoom: Okay!
Tmobile: WTF…8G transfer today
Me: Oops, sorry
Tmobile: No problem, carry on
<3 TMO

2012-02-01 18:41:50
RT @Penguicon: Announcing the Penguicon “Bring a Friend” Party! http://t.co/kdiKl4w0

2012-02-04 00:13:55
Omg…four people this week that can’t tell the difference between Big Bang Theory’s studio audience and canned laughs. #notTheSame

2012-02-04 00:22:46
If you say “love the sinner, hate the sin” about homosexuals: fuck you, you are killing people! http://t.co/IUi4CGOG Reread your bibles.

2012-02-04 01:49:52
I was just reminded by @lukejduncan, if an internet service can email you your password, they don’t store it encrypted…

2012-02-05 22:00:49
Grr..moderately annoying cold is cranking up to “plague” levels. Strongly dislike…

2012-02-05 23:28:27
Me too! RT @jzb Dear @Twitter – paid user accounts with a sport filter. Think about it. Could be big. I’d buy one.

2012-02-06 03:33:31
So my Giants won? Neat. More importantly, the Dresden Files series on Netflix is outstanding!

2012-02-06 03:37:04
RT @Penguicon: Online registration for Penguicon 2012 is now open! See http://t.co/Zen6Oln8 for more details!

2012-02-09 04:54:36
“The pitiful amount I have to pay to hawk my wares to your 1200 people is too onerous a burden for my wallet” -cheap artists at @Penguicon

2012-02-09 07:58:15
I totally get “hey, I don’t earn out at the con, it’s not a great fit”…but to be so entitled as to act like it’s being done *to* you. Sigh

2012-02-09 08:00:25
Wow, do I ever have a screaming headache. Good times… #2012isRuined

2012-02-09 12:26:30
Folks, if *I* think you’re coming off like an asshole in emails, you must be acting seriously over the top…consider settling the hell down

2012-02-10 19:49:15
Heavy snow, slick roads, slow traffic…what’s next!? Oh, big traffic accident, welcome to the party!

2012-02-11 00:41:19
Hello Chicago!

2012-02-11 03:51:09
Oh Juicy-O, it might not be cheat day, but free donuts must go in me!

2012-02-12 17:08:45
Lmao RT @steveagee gonna live tweet my depression, so I’m sorry in advance for the next 30’ish years you guys.

2012-02-13 14:19:42
RT @jsinsheim: Found velociraptor. Very bitey. Please come pick him up immediately. http://t.co/KIZF49As

2012-02-14 03:48:59
RT @robdelaney: Because Washington passed gay marriage today I threw my human wife in the garbage, fucked 2 donkeys & married a rotisser …

2012-02-14 11:15:22
Long day teaching…exhausted…must sleep soon!

2012-02-15 01:32:58
I’m so excited that @louieck’s experiment is spreading; @JimGaffigan is going to release his next special for $5 too! http://t.co/YmHd1WPZ

2012-02-15 10:56:04
Ideologically, I think it’s great, but what @louieck and @JimGaffigan are doing is amazing for comedy. I’d love to see an I-net comedy boom.

2012-02-15 10:58:35
Party with me! RT @Penguicon Reminder, there is a party this weekend along with a ConCom meeting. See http://t.co/WyiCiMPo for more details!

2012-02-15 18:20:40
Finished the @JennaElfman appearance on the @nerdist podcast tonight. She is hilarious without writers!

2012-02-16 03:26:01
So the @WashingtonPost is going to Dave Mustaine for political commentary now?! What, was Charlie Sheen busy? http://t.co/KzymIaIp

2012-02-16 03:36:27
Fucking awesome! I got a gig as an enforcer at PAX East this year. I’m psyched…I need more artifacts in play now! #MTGJoke

2012-02-16 03:47:20
Fuck yeah! RT @nurigocay one more day until I get to see @RandyTheRandom and @Sheryl67 @atdt1991 and @jer_ and the entire @Penguicon crew!

2012-02-16 21:14:48
*shaving* “Hrmm, I should just clean up this spot near my ear…or…I could just FILLET MY FUCKING HEAD” #VeryBloody

2012-02-17 21:11:47
So @Penguicon is sharing the hotel with a dance convention this weekend…so there’s that…

2012-02-17 21:31:49
Where’s my fucking @nurigocay!?!!?? :)

2012-02-17 23:32:38
At peak, we had over 50 people in here…now we have about thirty people comfortably gaming and partying. This is only half the consuite!

2012-02-18 04:25:59
Penguicon’s shindig was quite a blast…and I think it fair to say that the people that thought we couldn’t party at the Hyatt were mistaken

2012-02-18 09:20:30
Like taking your relationship style from 1950’s era thugs? RT @chrisbrown Goodnight to all the people who aren’t stuck in the past

2012-02-19 07:09:12
a friend tweeted that she was writing a paper and several of us ‘helped out’ by contributing some writing to her… http://t.co/7jnehSLL

2012-02-19 22:31:35
RT @UofMD_Jer: Holy crap! Congrats to @ferretthimself and @catvalente on Nebula nominations. Very cool! http://t.co/viqbWdBj

2012-02-20 14:56:21
RT @UofMD_Jer: Also notable, ConFusion 38 (39? http://t.co/A0nLRcJT )’s Pro GoH @maryrobinette has a nebula nomination in the Novella ca …

2012-02-20 14:57:17
RT @gamrillen: Attention Twitter followers. If @Jer_ sends you an e-mail with an attachment, DO NOT OPEN IT AT WORK! I’ve just been… b …

2012-02-20 16:33:02
.@gamrillen ( o o )

2012-02-20 20:30:31
Twitter artist friends…I need a drawing of Skennedy “with” Mr. Snuffleupagus…if you know what I mean…

2012-02-22 00:54:49
In the world of weather patterns I want to see represented in-app, “Shit falling from the sky” is low on the list. http://t.co/5hnjuDAH

2012-02-23 11:40:03
Periodically, I see friends I’m not following on Twitter. 24 hours after I follow them again, I’m reminded why I stopped. #AppSpam

2012-02-24 15:02:07
Just passing on the horror… RT @peterjurich If you prefer not to sleep tonight, look at pictures of a Japanese spider crab.

2012-02-24 15:04:25
OMFG, bill, match up for the love of all that is holy…GAH!

2012-02-24 17:32:49
Hrmm…@nerdist live at the Royal Oak Music Theater on Apr 20. The weekend before @Penguicon. Nerd out before we geek out?

2012-02-25 07:13:48
Furiously masturbate! RT @Sheryl67 Good Morning! Tell me what awesome thing you are going to do with this beautiful day! :)

2012-02-25 13:01:12
A woman at this Barnes and Noble just gave both her login and password for her email to someone over the phone at conversational volume.

2012-02-25 22:51:43
I am genuinely struggling with not posting it…you know…for funsies. Think I’ll just email her instead, pointing out the “bad idea”ness

2012-02-25 22:53:05
Not cool! RT @RickSantorum Liberals, can we compromise and just take healthcare away from the gays, Muslims, and women? Just wondering…

2012-02-26 06:26:02
Holy shit, I’ve had so much coffee that I can taste time. Unsurprisingly, it tastes an awful lot like coffee…

2012-02-26 18:04:00
RT @NikiWithIssues: Part of being super awesome is having people who don’t even know you hate you.

2012-02-26 20:13:50
Awesome! Glad you’re coming out :) RT @shawnp0wers Just booked my room for @Penguicon — Let’s see if we can make the Linux track awesome!

2012-02-27 13:35:52
RT @ryah: I hope Santorum wins the primary. He clearly articulates republican ideology. The public should hear more of him. #democrats4s …

2012-02-27 19:24:22
RT @FilthyRichmond: When I was in high school I would only hook up with older guys, like my stepdad’s age. Exactly my stepdad’s age in o …

2012-02-29 12:35:40
I’m having what is becoming one of my favorite days…

2012-02-29 20:17:21
…and a reasonable question was asked: today is becoming a favorite in a completely non-sarcastic way! #Earnest

2012-02-29 20:27:15
RT @LoveQuotes A mans job is to protect his woman. If he hurts her, he’s not a man, he’s a boy (to: @chrisbrown in case you missed the memo)

2012-03-01 06:42:54
Wait, for real? RT @Joreth I just learned of the Ayn Rand fan-based social networking/dating site. Maybe they’ll all be too selfish to breed

2012-03-01 14:21:37
RT @JMillhouse: Kirk Cameron says that “homosexuality is unnatural” yet he hung out with a guy named Boner on ‘Growing Pains.”

2012-03-03 22:51:57
Rush Limbaugh did something wrong again? I assumed the vitriol was remembering what an ignorant, racist, misogynist piece of shit he is.

2012-03-04 06:10:06
…but I don’t mean to make a personal attack…I’m just commenting…and hoping he pill-pops his way into a permanent vegetative state…

2012-03-04 06:13:16
RT @Jesus_M_Christ: Man is made in God’s image….except for Rush Limbaugh. We modeled him on a white Hefty bag stuffed with donkey shit …

2012-03-06 05:09:22
RT @awafaa: Seriously @twitter, STOP FUCKING SHORTENING *ALL* URLs!!!!

2012-03-07 00:27:59
Hah! My favorite response… RT @alan_thicke I love Kirk but I may have to spank him…’tho not in a gay way!

2012-03-07 05:16:48
What are you saying!? RT @RickSantorum so, if I get the nomination, then bring out my secret gay lover…GOP dealbreaker? Hypothetically!

2012-03-07 05:39:49
I couldn’t agree more…but so much to do! RT @zquishington I would like it to be @Penguicon like right now.

2012-03-08 03:23:37
Filed under: “Tell me again why anyone should risk being inclusive to women?”…alternately under “gratitude” http://t.co/QkeCtk18

2012-03-09 12:58:07
RT @Official_PAX: BEHOLD the PAX East 2012 panel schedule is live! http://t.co/6ABRXwrD

2012-03-09 17:24:14
I have decided that I am no longer providing responses to anyone who refuses to respond to my questions. I decided this last week. #UhOh

2012-03-11 19:11:17
I’m tehjer on Draw Something….but remember…I can only draw one or two things…

2012-03-12 00:27:41
I will be memorizing this asap! http://t.co/9mIbMguo

2012-03-12 03:11:26
Umm…Fab Melo isn’t going to be able to play for SU? What the fucking fuck…goodbye brackets…

2012-03-13 22:12:31
Oh, there have been SO MANY BALLS! RT @aiela I wondered how long it would take @Jer_ to draw balls on Draw Something…and now I know.

2012-03-14 15:25:07
RT @UofMD_Jer: It’s frickin pie day, by the way…so…you know…bring me PIE!!! I think I’ll get mini pies for my students today…

2012-03-14 16:17:46
RT @UofMD_Jer: Important Pi Day note: the fact that we should be using Tau instead of Pi changes my celebration of Pi Day not one bit! h …

2012-03-14 16:17:54
Or get punched right in your stupid fucking mouth, woman! RT @chrisbrown Smile today even if u don’t feel like it!

2012-03-16 06:15:40
So @Ellalthea makes this chipotle chicken that I love so much I’d fuck it if I weren’t sure that it would burn my dick badly #2012isRuined

2012-03-16 19:58:02
So who is responsible for failing to tell me about Lady Antebellum? Just heard “We Owned the Night”…fantastic!

2012-03-16 21:03:18
Tim Quirk my dream job…if I knew shit about music…and could write RT @tbquirk And the Shins take the stage… #sxsw http://t.co/q5kktbsI

2012-03-17 04:52:44
I can’t believe it took so long RT @BaDawnKDonk Draw Something score: 1st stick figure sex? +1 me 1st stick figure sex w/an animal: +1 @jer_

2012-03-17 04:55:00
It’s 1am on St. Patty’s Day…I assume that means that every bar has played one full Dropkick Murphys album and some amateurs are puke-drunk

2012-03-17 05:07:00
More like ‘yo, get me a sandwich or I’ll hospitalize you’ RT @chrisbrown Attempting yoga, more like Yogurt! Lol http://t.co/nauWYLRp

2012-03-18 07:03:32
I walked into a bar today and found a sea of drunk chicks offering to pinch me. Were I single, my dick would be STD city!

2012-03-18 07:17:22
RT @davidklecha: Writing a character who is an asshole, but right. I’m imagining @jer_ speaking the dialogue as I write it. It helps imm …

2012-03-18 07:19:41
RT @7heBigBadWolf: j-mail (noun) jay-male: An email from jer that is always prefixed with condemning undertones and effixed with a pictu …

2012-03-18 23:03:17
RT @Jesus_M_Christ: Lumber and nails are mine. RT @mindykaling Photobooths are my kryptonite

2012-03-19 03:55:51
Fun fact: Who cares if you like me…some ideas need to be put down, and put down hard. I’m happy to be the ass that helps that effort…

2012-03-19 14:25:34
Lol! Wait.. RT @JennyJohnsonHi5 “Going bald? Shave your head and grow a goatee! People will think you’re tough, not bald!” – stupid assholes

2012-03-20 03:53:33
I checked his math: correct! RT @michaelianblack You’re free to keep arguing but I ran the numbers and Samoas are the best Girl Scout cookie

2012-03-20 03:59:16
RT @enforcernews Boston Enforcers: assignment requests close soon, please make sure your post is in! http://t.co/nhJghKOR

2012-03-20 16:12:42
So who the fuck gets mono after the age of 17? Well, turns out @Ellalthea (and probably me)…that explains my exhaustion, though.

2012-03-20 23:44:46
By which he means “curl up in a ball while I kick your kidneys” RT @chrisbrown Ball up! http://t.co/GhLwXwkt

2012-03-20 23:55:43
I might be in love with this woman… http://t.co/kRqDSQ5R …How long does it take to travel 80miles at 80mph…

2012-03-21 13:30:59
Some video was taken of our last @Penguicon ConCom meeting. Much swearing and inappropriate humor. Probably NSFW http://t.co/AtYGuUus

2012-03-21 20:49:18
It should be noted, I skimmed through some 40 total minutes of that. I now hate every one of my tics and quirks. How can y’all stand me!!

2012-03-21 21:02:30
Bonus… @Ellalthea and I don’t *have* mono. We recently *had* mono. So there’s that, I suppose. So..I’m this fucking productive WITH MONO!

2012-03-22 02:50:41
You have my vote! RT @RumblyPlacenta @jer_ What if I show up to Geek Prom with a dumpster baby? Could I then be Prom Queen?

2012-03-22 22:27:54
This is on-point for me. I try to do a “State of the Us” a few times per week but I like having a formal time set up! http://t.co/nSAImVjL

2012-03-24 05:13:22
Hey, insomnia..thanks for the visit. I didn’t want to sleep anyway! Despite insomnia, today has been amazing. Best…day…in a long time!

2012-03-24 06:35:20
Maybe a change of venue will help!

2012-03-24 06:42:00
As a white male, even in a hoodie, shooting me in the back gets you cuffed, printed, and processed…not so if I were black…

2012-03-25 05:04:16
Getting ready to put together a programming schedule for Penguicon…then, making burgers and/or ordering food!

2012-03-25 17:32:41
Today’s annoyances #22: How hard is it to NOT CONTACT GOH’S DIRECTLY. Use the liaisons, like you’re supposed to…*sigh* #Penguicon

2012-03-25 20:26:28
Today’s annoyances #23: How hard is it to actually manufacture panels IN YOUR TRACK instead of random things apropos of nothing…#Penguicon

2012-03-25 20:27:44
I’m reminded at least once weekly…thank you, yoga pants!

2012-03-27 13:36:09
RT @markrahner: The people pissed that Hunger Games characters weren’t white are really going to shit when they find out about Jesus.

2012-03-27 15:52:25
See…empirical evidence that women shouldn’t drive!! http://t.co/Ja4rqAFa (Or, you know, we could test as if female adults exist…)

2012-03-27 15:55:37
This week, a black kid was shot for wearing a hoodie and people waxed racist about a black movie character. Yep, racism is dead, y’all!

2012-03-27 16:02:47
Listen, if you get your news from Drudge Report, Fox News, or a Klan newsletter, I make certain assumptions about your intellect…

2012-03-28 11:11:13
If you contact me twice in the same 24 hours for the same thing, you move yourself to the bottom of the list. #FuckOffIAmBusy

2012-03-28 16:51:40
Seriously…five separate people emailed…then immediately re-emailed. What the shit folks!

2012-03-28 18:23:03
Read it. RT @donttrythis Remember the Batman who got pulled over? There’s a LOT more to the story. And it’s a good one. http://t.co/mWukE884

2012-03-29 04:09:06
Seriously amazing thread. I was laughing through tears. http://t.co/xRZR8Kyx

2012-03-29 04:19:48
Whoah…that was not the word you asked me to draw, Draw Something! #Bats

2012-03-29 05:16:56
Every time I get an email where someone complains about being busy with “hundreds of emails”, I yearn for days of less than 50 emails/day…

2012-03-29 11:33:41
Like it’s dating him! RT @CynthiaHeidi Just heard @chrisbrown ‘sweet love’ on power 106. He’s killing it!!!
#LiftOff

2012-03-29 11:37:36
Agreed…and ironically placed on my reading list beneath an example… RT @scalzi This is true: http://t.co/RJlGRpl9

2012-03-29 11:41:17
I really want to start recording podcast again..and I know my pod-partner is in. I need a small, easy recording solution. Portable. Cheap.

2012-03-29 14:54:02
Also, a unicorn…and unlimited money, while I’m wishing for the un-possible :)

2012-03-29 14:54:20
Solved! RT @gamrillen: @jer_ Hire a stenographer and then when you’re ready to commit to MP3, re-enact the podcast dramatically.

2012-03-29 16:12:27
(On podcast equipment) I want something like the Zoom H4n or Roland Edirol..but not at $500. A standalone with a good mic, etc…

2012-03-29 16:24:05
Snopes should be mandatory reading for everyone in High School. Especially for dickholes forwarding emails and Facebooks. /sigh

2012-03-30 12:56:15
I’m in love with my waitress…strike that, I’m in love with my waitress’s prominently displayed breasts. She seems smart and friendly!

2012-03-30 20:12:30
Got so many emails responded to today…but got fuck-all done otherwise. #Unproductive

2012-03-31 03:25:34
RT @UofMD_Jer: Only about 3 hours left to buy a registration to @Penguicon at the pre-reg rate!

2012-04-01 00:47:04
RT @UofMD_Jer: Uh oh…just checked at the hotel, and it looks like there are under 100 rooms left for @Penguicon. Might want to hurry i …

2012-04-01 14:51:52
Awesome, my assignment for PAX East is in Registration! And I got the shift that I like (mornings) so far…changes pending, as always.

2012-04-01 22:07:20
Nerds: Every time you begin a response with “Actually…” some bespectacled twerp in a middle school gets a justifiable wedgie. #YourFault

2012-04-02 00:29:02
Seriously, every “let me correct a generalization-for-safety with a pedantic edge case” should get your head flushed in a fucking toilet!

2012-04-02 00:30:32
A love song from his girl to his fists!! RT @chrisbrown: “till I die” single about to drop soon featuring Wiz KHaLiFa and BIG Sean!

2012-04-02 20:59:11
Date night. Nothing says “romance” like dystopia and dying children… #HungerGames

2012-04-03 22:32:42
If it were possible to fuck a movie trailer, I would already be balls deep in the “Avengers” trailer. This I must see!

2012-04-03 22:57:58
I’m disappointed to say that I would like to see the “Dark Shadows” movie too…but not “What to Expect…” #Wtf?

2012-04-03 23:00:28
Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, and the dude from Thor…I’ll be watching the new Snow White flick with no pants and a jug of lotion…

2012-04-03 23:02:58
Son…of…a…bitch. I’d already decided to take a pass on the new Spiderman movie…but Emma Stone and Denis Leary? *sigh* I’m in :(

2012-04-03 23:06:19
Katniss is white? What the fuck? #2012isRuined #HungerGames

2012-04-03 23:26:08
I was exactly as productive as I’m going to be today…now to kill time while I wait for @Ellalthea to get off work…

2012-04-04 19:25:29
On my way to Toledo with @atdt1991 & @EnigmaNo2. By this time tomorrow I should be in Boston catching a nap before #PAXEast.

2012-04-05 06:26:38
This tweet is entirely for @EnigmNo2

2012-04-05 06:32:10
An Amish family just walked by me on this train. I do not think I entirely understand their rules anymore.

2012-04-05 13:27:44
It was just informed by @EnigmaNo2 that it’s fine as long as they aren’t driving. That’s how they *take vans to Cedar Point* #2012isRuined?

2012-04-05 13:31:05
When did Rochester become some dystopic hell? Next stop, Syracuse… http://t.co/lVDoXnMK

2012-04-05 15:45:12
Compared to Rochester, Syracuse looks positively updated!

2012-04-05 15:53:50
I just saw the restaurant we often breakfast at when I visit my parents. I forgot how close we get…

2012-04-05 16:24:16
Fucking awesome! RT @SJGames We’ll have Munchkin the Guild advance copies at #PAXeast. Can’t wait to share with @feliciaday and @theguild!

2012-04-05 16:52:54
Omg…a bunch of nerds are comparing the relative severities of their RSIs. I want to steal their lunch money and give them wedgies!

2012-04-05 18:46:46
Playing a game of Castle Panic on the #PAXTrain to #PAXEast

2012-04-05 20:28:30
RT @mpconlan: who’s going to @penguicon ? we’ve been invited to run a 50 person LAN there. admission to the LAN is included w/ the con …

2012-04-06 02:24:48
Son of a bitch…I really need to start remembering to get cash…balls!

2012-04-06 12:18:59
Achievement Unlocked: See @blazepoet at #PAXEast

2012-04-06 16:59:45
Finished my first shift at registration, now checking out the show floor… #PAXEast

2012-04-06 19:33:52
“Mark of the Ninja” by Klei looks amazeballs! #PAXEast

2012-04-06 19:47:51
Was just referred to as “that buff guy”…I think I shall live in this con… #PAXEast

2012-04-06 19:53:31
It’s a trap! RT @enforcernews [E] wanting to see the Khoo panel tonight need to either be in uniform prepared to work or wait in the line.

2012-04-06 20:24:34
Just found a FPS where you can play as a dinosaur… @Ellalthea #PAXEast

2012-04-06 20:43:05
Is it wrong that Blake and I both though of Alan V first! http://t.co/syCGLTcZ #PAXEast

2012-04-06 21:49:46
Just won a 3-way MtG game against Scott and @EnigmaNo2 by milling their decks. I’m not proud. #PAXEast

2012-04-06 22:29:46
Achievement Unlocked: Jaywalking! #PAXEast

2012-04-06 23:11:27
Crazy tired after the two false fire alarms between 2 and 4 am last night. Thanks Park Plaza! Breakfast then #PAXEast

2012-04-07 11:55:18
The “Plants vs Zombies” dancing zombies from @Popcap are killing it in the level 1 lobby! #PAXEast

2012-04-07 14:43:56
Achievement Unlocked: Obtain photo of a troup of bronies for @Ellalthea. Bonus…more than 20 bronies pictured. #PAXEast

2012-04-07 18:31:29
Parking for a while and getting off my feet. This feels nice! #PAXEast

2012-04-07 20:53:31
Apparently, we will be eating at the “Barking Crab”…possibly…maybe… #PAXEast

2012-04-07 23:11:31
Finished eating amazing lobster mac-and-cheese and Jonah crab…now Super Munchkin and Paul and Storm…

2012-04-08 02:11:22
On my way back to the hotel from #PAXEast. I’m wiped, but I managed to see pretty much everything that I wanted to. Extra sleep tomorrow?

2012-04-08 06:19:59
At the train station waiting for our train… Goodbye #PAXEast, hello 17-hours with a captive audience for my amusement!

2012-04-08 15:27:04
People at the market…not amused by my antics. People at Dunkin Donuts…very amused… #FreeFood #LoveJenAndShane #SandwichWillieWonka

2012-04-08 21:45:18
The folks at the Dunkin Donuts made me a steak burger with French toast buns then gave me free donuts. I am flying on way too much sugar.

2012-04-08 22:20:53
I need 80% less “people explaining why things aren’t their fault” and 100% more “just fucking fixing them” in my email right now #Penguicon

2012-04-09 02:38:42
Heh, lead of an organization is literally pouting and giving me the silent treatment. #Professionalism #IndistinguishableFromNormal

2012-04-09 11:01:10
Finally nearly home…it’s been a great trip, but I’m tired and I miss my wife… When did I become such a pussy?

2012-04-09 11:36:39
Finally home. Now, to get back to work…*sigh*

2012-04-09 11:57:13
History is bullshit too! http://t.co/aiqLJebA

2012-04-10 16:40:35
RT @nonpromqueen: “NO SORRY, SANTORUM, YOU MUST CARRY YOUR DEAD PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN TO FULL TERM.”

2012-04-11 01:52:25
Okay, ask you fuckers that mock me for my dislike of geese…I just watched one BITE A GUY IN THE DICK! Live in fear!!!

2012-04-11 15:03:09
RT @Penguicon: Watch for news of an awesome door prize from the folks at @mythlogic, as well! 16 Days!

2012-04-11 16:19:48
This guy smells so bad I almost had an asthma attack…

2012-04-11 18:31:17
I’ve been wondering where it went! <3 RT @alan_tudyk Yes! A new Suburgatory tonight. Finally!

2012-04-12 02:32:31
Why do I discuss volunteerism with people who know nothing about it? *sigh* #gluttonForPunishment

2012-04-12 03:20:32
Sigh…yep. I wish people would grow up and take responsibility…but…that’s not so much a thing anymore, eh?

2012-04-12 03:35:52
While discussing how volunteerism that doesn’t meet someone’s stringent demands is not valued, my tracker ticked over 1.1k @Penguicon hrs

2012-04-12 03:42:22
Slow start, but hang in there, it’s worth it! http://t.co/S87O3DwJ

2012-04-12 11:25:10
Dear @ConsumersEnergy, your relative lack of competition is the only reason you get away with your tragic customer service.

2012-04-12 13:10:32
Oh, and $6.25 to pay your @ConsumersEnergy bill by phone when your web system is down is ridiculous.

2012-04-12 13:16:33
So much Penguicon stuff to do…and work stuff to do…and school stuff to do…and family stuff to do……I’m so fucked!!!!

2012-04-13 18:25:50
. @ConsumersEnergy not really. I managed to make a payment (+$6 for my “convenience”) but I had to work hard with rude people for it…

2012-04-14 02:22:43
Commerce Township is pretty at night…only at night…

2012-04-15 01:17:42
Nutsacks are user shape-able RT @kattni “I’ve never been so self-conscious about the shape of my nutsack!”

2012-04-15 01:37:20
RT @thetart: So the phrase “same sex marriage” is being replaced with “sodomy based marriage” by National Organization for Marriage?!! WTF!

2012-04-15 03:21:31
If you were looking for a way to make the world a better place, euthanizing all followers of @NOMUpdate would probably have a good ROI…

2012-04-15 03:52:30
The side benefit of the abrupt deaths of all of @NOMUpdate followers would be a 20 point boost in Twitters IQ…plus, less homophobes!

2012-04-15 03:54:48
So, I’m not saying that all of @NOMUpdate followers *should* be ruthlessly slaughtered…I’m just saying that it’s what Jesus would do…

2012-04-15 03:57:19
Alright, going to bed kinda late…if I oversleep, wake me! #Penguicon

2012-04-15 07:18:07
It is the birthday of two great James’s…@jimchines & @gamrillen … Both, I assume, turning 30!

2012-04-15 10:58:03
RT @Penguicon: Come to @Penguicon, get a chance to win a bad-ass gaming rig courtesy of @mythlogic http://t.co/VwN04K3l

2012-04-17 15:03:54
Okay, pass one of the room assignments for @Penguicon are done. Fuck, you are all a needy bunch!! :P

2012-04-18 14:21:45
Jesus H. Fucking Christ, how hard is it to grasp “email me, please don’t call”? I mean, what the fucking fuck! So, how’s your day going?

2012-04-18 18:12:58
RT @jonmhansen: Whee! MT @mashable Netflix to Release All 10 Upcoming ‘Arrested Development’ Episodes at Once – http://t.co/jkDszZHy

2012-04-19 11:01:30
Rooming list corrections submitted, and I think I’m finally caught up on @Penguicon…now to catch up on everything else #PCon

2012-04-20 19:03:03
I am crazy excited…watch us bring back the Match Game at @Penguicon…Saturday at 1pm!! #PCon

2012-04-21 03:02:40
RT @KenJennings: If you’re a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the co …

2012-04-21 03:16:06
RT @NikiWithIssues: hahahaha can’t. stop. laughing. http://t.co/gziyXehW

2012-04-22 18:57:34
Equilibrium? RT @BaDawnKDonk: no restrictions here – if you were to pick @nakedcomedy & my next film roast, what movie would you pick?

2012-04-22 23:21:04
Why would someone attempt to play “Aggression” with me? I come loaded for bear and I don’t give a fuck about your feelings…. *shrug*

2012-04-23 19:46:46
I don’t know about you, but a ‘homosexual tornado’ sounds fabulous! Are we supposed to be concerned? http://t.co/SDjW5m2J

2012-04-24 08:22:50
Ugh…why did I read the FB messages for @Penguicon? It’s like the feedback session, but less informed. So much wrong info… *sigh*

2012-04-24 10:36:53
Dear people who work with @Penguicon…stop giving information from proof copies of our material as if it were true. *proofread* sigh

2012-04-24 10:45:48
There’s a game I like to play when people are being douchebags on the internet…it involves using the shortest possible sentences.

2012-04-24 21:35:00
Know what, Netflix? I’m willing to overlook many things, but your lack of Boy Meets World on instant is unacceptable…

2012-04-25 10:27:09
Today is the last day before @Penguicon to finish ALL OF THE THINGS. Also, apparently, to remember tons of important things I forgot…

2012-04-25 11:25:24
Things I’m a fan of: my $5/year Google space upgrade that I’ve been enjoying translated to a 25G Google Drive.

2012-04-25 12:08:45
Lmfao RT @chingui77 Newt Gingrich is dropping out of the race. Marking the first time he’s ever quit on anything that wasn’t dying of cancer

2012-04-25 12:48:20
Holy fucking shit, fucking everything blew up…busy day just got busier!

2012-04-25 12:59:38
.@MatthewLillard it was great seeing you last night..thanks for stopping by

2012-04-25 15:37:09
Me! RT @gamrillen Who all is going to be at the Hyatt tomorrow for Penguicon?

2012-04-25 19:47:21
RT @SmithsonianMag: Today is #WorldPenguinDay! Waddle this way for a look into the lives of the #penguins on South Africa’s Robben Islan …

2012-04-26 10:55:45
My Jeep is so full of #PCon stuff that I hear Sanford and Sons music when I drive…

2012-04-26 11:54:16
RT @Penguicon: Don’t forget, if you see a problem at Penguicon this weekend, Tweet @PenguiProbs to get directly to Ops and Facilities! #PCon

2012-04-26 12:23:14
RT @UofMD_Jer: It begins! I’m in full event mode, which means rarely checking social media. Email, text, have Ops find me, or call if yo …

2012-04-26 12:59:14
Said to me: “How do you keep this all in your head?” Response: “Let’s wait and see if I have!”

2012-04-26 22:36:41
I’ll be grabbing breakfast on the restaurant at 730 footer those interested… #PCon

2012-04-27 11:03:35
It’s no bowl of sausage, but it’s a start… @NuriGocay http://t.co/JuFF69Ca

2012-04-27 12:02:26
RT @mpconlan: Minecraft Hunger Games PvP tournament around 3-4pm in Marquis. bring your laptop or use the @MYTHLOGIC free play rigs @Pen …

2012-04-28 12:31:42
There is a silver Honda Ridgeline in front of the hotel with Ohio plates that is in danger of being towed… #PCon

2012-04-28 20:12:07
If anyone sees my prom date, @Ellalthea, tell her I’m looking for her…

2012-04-29 00:05:08
All my girls are drinking on an empty stomach…dinner time in the hotel restaurant…

2012-04-29 01:12:29
Qotd: “Fun fact, in high school I was voted most likely to become a priest” –@gamrillen

2012-04-29 03:27:33
I questioned the wisdom of having turned in at 5am when I did it. It doesn’t seem any brighter now…#PCon

2012-04-29 12:11:24
Also breakfast at 830 at the restaurant for those interested…#PCon

2012-04-29 12:12:00
Okay, time for breakfast, then to move out of this hotel! It feels very over, now :( #PCon

2012-04-30 13:00:11
Left: info board from outside my office…Right: internal info board. We are professionals! http://t.co/pMNq7C2Y #PCon

2012-04-30 13:30:00
Finally cleared all convention stuff from the hotel, now to pack up MY stuff! #PCon

2012-04-30 19:42:44
Can’t tell ya how little I want to see the staff-abusive folks from the Brick Challenge back…keep hearing horror stories @lish

2012-04-30 22:02:17
RT @Bez: Have a feeling Cookie Monster is like reeeeally good at going down on the ladies.

2012-05-01 03:07:14
Huge thanks to @madhattersez, @Kingpheenix, @scalzi, @JimGettys, @HyattDearborn, and all the @Penguicon staff & volunteers. Fantastic event!

2012-05-01 03:22:54
Also, thank you to the various other folks that I forgot, didn’t have a Twitter ID for, or ran out of characters for. My heroes!

2012-05-01 03:24:17
Okay, now I must sleep away this sinus-stress-exhaustion headache…tomorrow, I promise a blog post and perhaps photos…g’nite all!

2012-05-01 03:40:05
This week is, with luck, a week of catch up and expense reports…then and only then will I be finished with Penguicon 2012… #tired

2012-05-01 11:10:15
Now you are speaking my language! RT @Sheryl67: I think we should all take the week after Penguicon off.

2012-05-01 14:52:47
Oh thank fucking god! A decision I’ve been struggling with has been made for me…woot. #LazinessSupported

2012-05-01 15:24:27
Caught up on grading, caught most of the way up on post-con…now to catch up on sleep and friends…

2012-05-03 02:08:24
Finally got a post up featuring just Thursday’s @Penguicon shenanigans http://t.co/sBSxQeyy #PCon

2012-05-03 17:04:20
I love you, @BaskinRobbins,, but your supply-chain problems have driven me to Dairy Queen today… :(

2012-05-03 18:17:26
I…I…I think I have take a training course… http://t.co/iu0N8mor

2012-05-03 23:09:30
Holy word vomit, I need an editor for my post about Friday at Penguicon: http://t.co/HiVR8RUS Seriously…too many words…

2012-05-04 22:56:34
Yet another in what appears to be a ceaseless barrage of @Penguicon 2012 reports…this time, Saturday: http://t.co/wYHBSGQV

2012-05-05 22:16:56
At Chelsey’s graduation party…Chelsey & @Ellalthea are top ten drink and just ordered shots…

2012-05-06 01:07:37
.@pussoir OMG…you’ve inspired a new game…lick the cookie butter!

2012-05-06 12:38:26
Son…of…a…bitch… Normally I at least have a clue this is coming….but surprise! *sigh* http://t.co/DgSCepEx

2012-05-07 12:10:03
Not a great start to the day: crushing headache, the Hyatt going bye bye, misc other hotel irritations…c’mon coffee!

2012-05-07 13:29:38
Ugh, I think I’ll be ignoring the mailing list today…clearly it’s uninformed asshat day…

2012-05-07 14:44:57
RT @robdelaney: A huge turn-on for me is when a woman doesn’t point at me & say “You are a fat stupid asshole.”

2012-05-07 16:48:25
It occurred to me today that my idea of a “vacation” summer is 36 hour weeks, 2 grad classes, and 2 conventions to plan #JeremySayRelax

2012-05-09 11:52:08
RT @TMobile: “In just the last five years, we have 146 times more data crossing our network @Tmobile”- Humm #CTIA2012

2012-05-09 11:55:00
Oh, make no mistake, I’m not complaining…I’m genuinely looking forward to what will be a nice, relaxing summer! #PartyAllTheTime

2012-05-09 11:59:17
I could do that this summer! RT @tjagoda @jer_ someday you will write a book on relaxing through excessive work?

2012-05-09 12:05:23
RT @PeteDominick: RT @thinkprogress: FACT: Last time North Carolina amended their constitution on marriage it was to ban interracial mar …

2012-05-09 12:27:19
Umm…Junk food is fucking delicious!? RT @allisontype Why the Campaign to Stop America’s Obesity Crisis Keeps Failing http://t.co/qswRJ86n

2012-05-09 19:40:54
Lol..ouch! RT @chingui77 Does anyone know where Sara Jessica Parker finished in the Kentucky derby on Saturday?

2012-05-09 21:55:07
When I see the endless “don’t text during the movie” warnings, it makes me want to live Tweet the movie…

2012-05-09 22:47:57
The 7 of you that have shared this with me are assholes! http://t.co/eOXjuT63

2012-05-10 19:51:21
Wait, factors in presidential elections now include whether or not a candidate teased people in high school? Fuck off, over-sensitive nerds!

2012-05-11 13:19:10
The country is going to shit over actual issues, and we are worrying about decades-old, common stupidity? I wish I could hate you to death!

2012-05-11 13:21:20
Why don’t we spend the tinge we currently use seeking to hate candidates we dislike to research everyone’s positions and voting record?

2012-05-11 13:27:46
Thus endeth my rant…now back to dick and fart jokes. cock, pussy, I poop a lot…

2012-05-11 13:29:39
Correction: “bullying” (bad wording, sorry) RT @davehogg @jer_ Holding someone down and cutting off their hair isn’t exactly “teasing”

2012-05-11 13:42:02
Sorry, I lied, one last rant after seeing the latest “people who aren’t Obama were mean to Ann Romney, so fuck Obama” campaign shit:

2012-05-11 13:46:01
I want to make it illegal for any mention of the candidates our the election to be on popular media…

2012-05-11 13:47:50
Just show anonymized listings of qualifications, positions, and voting history…no names, no parties…no more cult of personality…

2012-05-11 13:49:09
Grr, just saw “time” replaced with “tinge” in my earlier post…why is “tinge” even in my dictionary?

2012-05-11 13:50:22
Okay, I’m done ranting on social media for a minute…this is why I don’t watch much TV; my veins can’t take the spike in blood pressure

2012-05-11 13:52:47
RT @eco_GG: Penguicon 2012 Wrap Up Party May 19 5pm Hyatt Dearborn – TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

2012-05-11 14:47:34
RT @constructacon: Info on ConStruct is coming! Question, though, if we went to an all-suite hotel, would $99/night be too expensive for …

2012-05-11 14:48:09
Definite Cassells in the morning for cheat breakfast!

2012-05-12 03:10:24
Cassells…breakfast…930…time to hit on pretty wait staff again; I’m sure they’ve missed that since I’ve been gone!

2012-05-12 13:07:46
Minecraft question RT @toph42 My cousin died somewhere and can’t find his corpse. Is there a way to find out where you died? A log maybe?

2012-05-13 01:28:45
RT @God_Damn_Batman: When your mom bled out next to a dumpster, it kind of takes the fun out of the IHOP Mother’s Day Brunch.

2012-05-13 19:34:31
Hey @Ellalthea… Catch! http://t.co/Wo5efWAj

2012-05-14 10:27:05
Why can’t Diablo 3 come out today, my day off, not tomorrow, the start of my 3-day work week! #2012isRuined #fwp

2012-05-14 10:59:59
Save the date! RT @constructacon We are live for the weekend of Aug 17…site updates to come, but $96 king suites, $114 double suites!

2012-05-14 19:42:40
Diablo 3 is almost done downloading. I’ll probably get a bit of playing in this evening…then this weekend LAN-ing it up!! ID: jer#1148

2012-05-15 03:21:32
Genius! RT @scalzi In which I explain why “Straight White Male” is the lowest difficulty setting in the game of life: http://t.co/nSVdHwuJ

2012-05-15 18:41:01
I’m not fat, I’m festive! RT @kattni Me too. Good times. RT @theleanover: Fatness Update: preeeeetty fat.

2012-05-16 10:38:49
The last in the Penguicon 2012 Report saga…Ch 4: The Blabbering http://t.co/m6itsCta Now with audio (accompanied by dark video) :)

2012-05-16 17:29:27
I appreciate the woman here who brought her “D game” to the middle school (by which I mean her large breasts are almost spilling out)

2012-05-16 20:22:09
“I must get someplace immediately, time is of the essence! But first, let’s see if these bookshelves have gold in them!” -me playing Diablo

2012-05-16 23:51:08
Oh, and Diablo: fuck you and your creepy assed spider area…. *shudder*

2012-05-17 00:00:24
RT @studentactivism: Turns out it’s simple to get white guys to talk about class. All you have to do is start talking about race and gen …

2012-05-17 02:06:21
Oh my god, it does! RT @Sheryl67 @jer_ This needs to be a shirt for you. http://t.co/8eZBAFWb

2012-05-18 10:27:58
It is now time to party Diablo 3 until people are awake at the LAN party, so I can go there and play Diablo 3… #Diablo3

2012-05-18 10:53:00
*play…although party sort of fits…

2012-05-18 10:53:45
Taking 94 was clearly a mistake…

2012-05-19 18:00:41
Correction, taking I94 the WRONG FUCKING WAY was probably a mistake…yay?

2012-05-19 18:03:34
RT @kellyoxford: Unless you’re 7 years old, don’t ride your bike on the fucking sidewalk.

2012-05-21 00:34:30
Holy shit, Apple, could you make it more a pain in the ass to get a C or C++ compiler on OSX? Good forbid you’re not on Lion, either…

2012-05-24 00:31:46
Screw your new browser, Yahoo, I’m holding out fire Lycos or Alta Vista’s offering http://t.co/wN1Pw8yU #DoYouYahoo? #DoesAnyone?

2012-05-24 00:42:35
Is your elbow tendonitis better?…no…Did you go to physical therapy?…no…Did you stop weight lifting?…no…Oh, you deserve it then.

2012-05-25 13:10:40
My doctor is awesome. <3

2012-05-25 13:11:47
Time for breakfast…it’s Saturday, you know the drill!

2012-05-26 13:31:27
Dear @AvastAntivirus, you’re being uninstalled. The last update of forced browser addons and spamvertisements was too much! xoxo

2012-05-26 16:09:58
RT @WebcomicBeacon: Have you seen the Webcast Beacon Network at Penguicon 2012? One hour of video! http://t.co/6qgQ9aNK #podcasts #podca …

2012-05-27 10:25:21
“I’m Gonna Keep on Lovin’ You” just came on at this restaurant…I miss @CorySkelly

2012-05-27 13:00:01
Today will be: leveling my demon hunter up past 30 (currently 18) and earning another 100k gold for the last stash tab…

2012-05-28 15:07:26
I don’t wait for success! RT @DrAnnMaria There is not a level of success at which it becomes OK to be a dick to the people around you.

2012-05-30 11:19:44
This might he my favorite thing in Twitter ever… http://t.co/60ZUXVJP

2012-06-01 11:38:02
RT @BoobsRadley: Kale chips are great if you love Ruffles, but hate all the fat and the fact that they don’t taste like magazines made o …

2012-06-02 12:45:37
FINALLY! RT @TMobile Samsung Galaxy S II owners: @Android Ice Cream Sandwich is coming via Samsung Kies starting 6/11! More details soon!

2012-06-02 12:48:36
I could not love you more right now… My new theme song: RT @gamrillen @jer_ This is for you: http://t.co/QEf480oo

2012-06-03 04:27:00
RT @erikvolson: RT: *This* is what I call an apology! Jason Alexander makes stereotyping gay joke, reflects & issues model apology h …

2012-06-04 14:19:55
Finally! @Scalzi’s new book (Redshirts) is out today…I can finally read past chapter 4! (Also, thanks for a DRM-free ebook!)

2012-06-05 11:15:51
So I managed to forget somehow…so when I saw “Jer” in the book, I chuckled…and when I got to “Jer is a dick” I laughed out loud :)

2012-06-05 11:27:02
RT @constructacon: You can now book your room for the con, Aug 17-19 http://t.co/3y6PpQm5 (sorry for the delay, it’s been…busy? :)

2012-06-05 13:36:41
So, @gamrillen has just coined my new favorite term for when Twitter decides to shorten a shortened link: #shortenception !!

2012-06-05 14:01:47
RT @scalzi: If you got a DRM’d copy of Redshirts, here’s how to get it replaced. Please retweet. http://t.co/ClXI5bP7

2012-06-06 12:43:04
Yeah, I’m officially in love with this chick…http://goo.gl/r74xJ

2012-06-08 18:08:40
This has been, on average, a terrible weekend.

2012-06-10 03:40:54
If you’re only going to read one book with a color in the title this week, and you choose “Shades of Grey” over “Redshirts”…something bad!

2012-06-11 12:05:10
Apparently, it’s universal… RT @UofMD_Jer: periodically, I log into Twitter only to find that I’m not following many people I once was

2012-06-12 13:31:43
RT @brockwilbur: Today is my one year anniversary of standup comedy. I wrote a piece here http://t.co/IRMUkQZT and there’s awesome frien …

2012-06-12 17:27:02
I’ve long suspected that anything with @alan_tudyk or @TyLabine is worth watching… “Tucker and Dale vs Evil” doubly so…hilarious!

2012-06-12 23:53:19
Hell…fuck…yes… RT @aishatyler Dear Gamers. I play. http://t.co/aaowX9zT http://t.co/aHxRe877

2012-06-14 01:48:31
So just..no sleep then, right?

2012-06-14 07:36:05
So…what’s everyone got going on this weekend?

2012-06-16 11:14:25
So the tool that is suing @Oatmeal and IndieGoGo is now suing the Cancer Society? For what, receiving money? http://t.co/emMB3plV

2012-06-18 10:37:20
RT @robdelaney: Shoutout to the vaginas of Michigan & the women who surround them.

2012-06-18 23:51:41
Lmfao. RT @wilw Paul Christoforo, Jack Thompson, and Charles Carreon are just two idiots short of forming the ultimate Douchebag Voltron.

2012-06-19 00:15:04
Grr…@mythlogic’s website makes it very hard to send someone a link to a specific system configuration…use http GET for catalogs people!

2012-06-19 14:07:18
Wow, it has been too long since I picked up a guitar…calluses, grip, and dexterity are all things of the past…and I wasn’t even good!

2012-06-19 22:38:56
As a Software Engineering Wizard, this concerns me…also, what the fuck century is it? http://t.co/r3kbep37

2012-06-20 02:01:36
RT @TiredFairy: Insisting women aren’t funny in a world where Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Margaret Cho, Maria Bamford, Morgan Murphy etc. exi …

2012-06-20 03:23:44
Playing around with @VoiceThread for a class. It’s a slick interface, a cool concept, and a pretty buggy implementation on Chrome/Firefox…

2012-06-20 15:40:21
In this Catholic church, there is a large fountain…Amber immediately asked for a penny. How bad would it be to make a wish?

2012-06-21 23:15:47
So @ellalthea’s ringtone is an MLP yelling “boo!” At the wedding rehearsal: “We’re the house of God, so…” “BOO!!” #subtle

2012-06-21 23:30:21
Aaaaaaand……I have a new hobby! http://t.co/eRbS2HgS

2012-06-22 03:04:20
I call racism in the bottom right corner… RT @alan_tudyk I tweeted a crappy version of this pic yesterday. http://t.co/pC0J0945

2012-06-23 12:39:10
RT @robdelaney: ‘MURICANS: Guess I better actually read what this “ACA” is. *reads, leaps up* Don’t you dare try & take that away fr …

2012-06-29 02:24:19
Fox News just mocked the idea of someone having expert knowledge of food, then called a clip-in ponytail “genius” #TeachMeAboutHealthcare?

2012-06-29 11:45:40
Wait…what are you saying? RT @gamrillen A white trash starter kit consists of a Monster Energy backpack, beanie, hoodie, and t-shirt.

2012-06-29 20:26:13
So, my waitress just called me “baby”…not babe, not hon, not darlin’…”baby”…so that just happened…

2012-07-01 14:20:40
Holy shit, I just reloaded Tweetdeck and I have infinite direct messages in Twitter and FB. Y’all know I don’t check those, right?

2012-07-02 10:34:18
I can’t agree more… RT @jer2665 Here’s the only way I’d ‘read’ 50 Shades of Grey – http://t.co/gInnDVNm

2012-07-03 10:40:18
Thunderstorms across the Independence Day vacation…I can only assume it’s god expressing zer anger that Romney is a legitimate candidate.

2012-07-03 10:43:35
Breakfast time!

2012-07-07 13:06:50
I now own a copy of Cards Against Humanity…let the depravity begin!

2012-07-07 18:26:33
*TASTED* RT @davehogg @BaDawnKDonk You ate cookie butter and dog shi … no, sorry, that was @jer_’s story.

2012-07-07 21:09:12
RT @UofMD_Jer: In Google Calendar, if you change the “Automatically add invitations…” setting to “No” G+ events you didn’t respond to …

2012-07-08 15:38:37
Thinking about hitting the 5:15 showing of Spiderman at the Livonia AMC today…

2012-07-08 18:01:32
…but first, pedicures. My hobbit-like, flat feet shall be prettified!

2012-07-08 18:09:09
Okay, so…pedicures? Yeah, we like those. Dinner then a movie!

2012-07-08 20:01:09
Just heard the deal about the @DanielTosh thing…pure ignorance…there’s no such thing as a class of jokes that are never funny…period

2012-07-13 00:53:29
That’s not feminism, that’s just being controlling, humorless fucks.

2012-07-13 00:55:46
See…fucking hilarious rape joke, given the circumstances… http://t.co/yrkHIlZr

2012-07-13 02:02:12
Okay…so now I need everyone’s xbox live gamer tag…just..y’know, since I’ve finally caught up to 2005… :)

2012-07-15 16:09:35
RT @constructacon: The room block for #ConStruct closes in just about two weeks…book your room…quickly!! :) http://t.co/vERc2e2Y

2012-07-20 14:42:25
Fun fact: Tasers are legal in MI w/a concealed carry permit. Good…to…know… @OakParkGirl @atdt1991 @BaDawnKDonk

2012-07-20 16:02:41
OMFG FUCK WHIRLYBALL! Now it’s totally on… RT @Dugan: @jer_ We could set up a game of Ultimate Tazer Ball http://t.co/iqfu3IT4

2012-07-20 16:16:08
So…does anyone wanna join a new local sports league I’m thinking of starting? Low athleticism…sorta like whirlyball…

2012-07-20 16:19:56
Today, I shall play Xbox…related, what 360 games should I own?

2012-07-21 15:09:45
Heh, I now have quite the list…for now, I play Spiderman and original Fables (again) with Trine 2 downloading…

2012-07-21 15:35:18
RT @daveanthony: Everyone take a deep breath and remember that Penn State has a side project that involves books. #PSU

2012-07-24 10:18:33
Parents: let your college students talk to their own instructors. You are doing them no favors, robbing them of chances to learn adulthood!

2012-07-27 01:22:35
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! @Scalzi addresses a facet of geekiness that irritates the hell out of me… http://t.co/pYcyofqO

2012-07-27 02:37:28
This was the least gross! RT @nurigocay Things we make @jer_ drink http://t.co/27qTqJqN

2012-07-29 12:30:10
RT @constructacon: A new post…tell us what food and beer to buy, also, the room block closes on Friday! http://t.co/ZSsAZk3I

2012-07-29 14:32:26
Well, okay, my favorite parts of the two Gnomes…my favorite parts of Unity are Gnome 3 things…

2012-08-01 11:52:38
Just saw @peterfacinelli’s ‘Loosies’…what a great flick!

2012-08-02 03:39:27
Chick-fil-a is within their rights to spout their ignorance. A boycott is a legitimate response. Neither infringes on constitutional rights.

2012-08-02 04:30:48
That said, if you waited in line to get a sandwich from those provincial, hate-filled, pieces of ignorant shit, I hope you choke on it.

2012-08-02 04:32:49
Oh, so, fucking, true! RT @lukejduncan: I hate when websites tell me to download their app by using the ENTIRE screen EVERY time.

2012-08-03 11:54:14
They haven’t invented an auto-flush toilet yet that doesn’t flush at least once before I’m off the seat, coating my ass in a fine shit-mist

2012-08-03 12:34:31
Oh, and good morning!!

2012-08-03 12:34:50
Finally finished the “quick thing” I wanted to do his morning…breakfast time!

2012-08-04 15:14:41
RT @foundwaldo: RT @climagic echo ‘man $(ls /usr/bin | shuf -n 1)| sed -n “/^NAME/ { n;p;q }”‘ >> ~/.bashrc # Learn a command on e …

2012-08-08 07:05:04
At this moment @Jasper_JP is placing hundreds of Amazon orders… http://t.co/4IARoJcI

2012-08-10 11:00:17
I had entirely blocked out this event. My highlights were them explaining bumpy cake to me and at 5:00…ball of bacon http://t.co/MY9FTaLw

2012-08-11 01:26:41
Truth! RT @atdt1991 @jer_ I bet this is why you’re not such a fan of ice cream.

2012-08-11 13:32:15
Lmao…must buy it in audio now RT @aiela Best. Audiobook. Ever. RT @davehogg Ah, to hear @wilw utter those immortal words “@jer_’s a dick.”

2012-08-13 15:30:16
Lmao RT @jer_isadick @davehogg @jer_ You rang?

2012-08-14 01:10:09
Ditto! Actually, to sleep and to QP! ;p RT @quizzicalpussy Dear Sleep, can we spend more time together? I’m feeling neglected.

2012-08-14 11:01:11
RT @constructacon: Ready for food, booze, swimming, games, piss-poor poetry, and drunken makeovers? ConStruct starts Friday in Romulus! …

2012-08-14 11:02:41
Holy crap, @MaggieLawson is in Daydream Nation… Also, the Weasley twin… much love to the casting folks!

2012-08-16 12:30:39
Fuck yeah! RT @gamrillen On my way to the airport. Michigan here I come!

2012-08-16 16:00:25
Holy shit…starting vacation with an unrelenting, brutal headache SUCKS! *dislike*

2012-08-16 18:10:27
See, let the alcoholic order the beer! RT @constructacon Liquor store error in your favor: come out and help us drain this keg of Woodchuck

2012-08-16 19:37:09
Hrmm…I’m definitely bringing my own WAP tomorrow…the wifi here is droppy #Struct4

2012-08-16 20:56:09
Packing for ConStruct…whiteboards and dildos http://t.co/dCp1hwn1 #Struct4

2012-08-17 12:24:27
One of the entries for “Awkward Superheroes” game, @wilw as ‘Sir Not Appearing’ …we kid because we love…. http://t.co/my2kqNXO

2012-08-17 22:43:57
I am continually astounded at the resilience of my wife…I love you baby :)

2012-08-19 03:49:46
“I really put a lot of work into painting your house brown with shit”, she says. “What an ungrateful dick you are for not loving it!”

2012-08-19 17:38:27
RT @constructacon: Thank you all for coming out…it was an amazing time! http://t.co/yvwkvop4

2012-08-20 00:35:46
What did you mean to say!? RT @ToddAkin “To be clear, all of us understand that rape can result in pregnancy… I regret misspeaking.”

2012-08-20 04:03:30
RT @JennyJohnsonHi5: Todd Akin thinks the female body can reject getting pregnant after being raped, too bad women’s bodies can’t reject …

2012-08-20 10:42:11
So @ToddAkin’s ‘apology’ says this is a distraction from the important issues? I hope he gets ‘legitimately raped’ (he won’t get pregnant)

2012-08-20 11:01:43
Roflmao! RT @chingui77 Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened….. Unless its rape, then it’s ok to cry for both reasons.

2012-08-21 22:37:34
Having your words defended by Kirk Cameron is akin to having Lindsay Lohan as your AA sponsor http://t.co/qWXLgmk4

2012-08-22 10:58:40
I’d be more comfortable with the phrase “knitting revolution” if it were spelled “knyttyng revolution”….

2012-08-23 11:16:15
Keg delivery done..now off to birthday breakfast for Ger. #HappyBirthdayGer

2012-08-25 14:15:08
1985 by the Crash Kings just came on. Today in 1985, my wife was…you know…happening #HappyBirthdayGer

2012-08-25 14:38:40
The road to Ren Faire is very deadlocked. Great day to have the top down and gorgeous weather. #HappyBirthdayGer

2012-08-25 17:04:10
What do you do on your birthday? Henna cutie-mark! #HappyBirthdayGer #NoSurprise

2012-08-25 21:17:33
Exhausted, we all crash after birthday fun. Was nice to see friends and have an all-about-Ger day. I love you baby. #HappyBirthdayGer

2012-08-26 03:00:14
RT @robdelaney: I’m 35 I’ll tell you right to your face I like Coldplay then show your girlfriend what her clit’s for

2012-08-26 03:19:04
The question is, how is Fox going to cancel this with it on ABC? RT @drhorrible S.H.I.E.L.D. http://t.co/vJXxzTNj

2012-08-29 10:42:53
For realsies…if you are a Web software engineer (especially Perl) or a interface designer looking for work…email me!

2012-09-02 08:06:09
My lovely wife, who does not often (or much) drink, is making her way through a flight of beers. She is very drunk http://t.co/3MTkKa5D

2012-09-06 22:39:44
There are many reasons to complain about the WorldCon hotel’s accessibility issues, but the fake programming track is a stupid one.

2012-09-07 03:06:18
Oh, and comparing WorldCon elevator management problems to those of a con 1/6 its size is just moronic. Get a grip, kids.

2012-09-07 03:11:50
Republicans: We lost all of your jobs for you…and in four years, did Obama bring every one of them back? NO! Vote Romney!
Us: Uhh…

2012-09-07 03:35:33
I mean, I’m bummed that Obama fell way short of his promises…but that is a terrible reason to vote for a racist, misogynistic theocracy

2012-09-07 03:38:49
Being awake is for suckers! RT @jenny_wade are you asleep?

2012-09-07 11:17:39
Did I just hear “Shakira sex tape”!?!! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY…seriously…take it…I’m not going to need it…I’m staying in bed…

2012-09-07 12:06:03
If your argument against gay marriage includes it as a step toward sex with young boys, I naturally assume you rape young girls currently.

2012-09-08 23:26:27
Yeah, the Groupon today is for New Seoul Garden….just sayin’

2012-09-10 15:13:16
Hopefully, I have successfully connected my identi.ca to my Twitter (if you see this on Twitter, I did) #ifttt

2012-09-11 10:48:19
Essential watching: The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. If I made a show, this is what I would want it to be. Watch it. Now.

2012-09-14 12:29:35
Ahh, the first time using the furnace this season…what’s that smell? WHO’S BURNING MY FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!?

2012-09-19 11:11:33
Having recently been there, this really resonates w/me RT @ferretthimself How I Never Forgive Someone: http://t.co/82mT80il

2012-09-20 21:09:43
Got yet another notification that @Twitter is preventing export of Tweets. This is why my point of origin is identi.ca now (@jer there)

2012-09-21 02:23:32
If @Twitter doesn’t respect the fact that I own my tweets and will do what I want with them, fuck em. I’ll go elsewhere.

2012-09-21 02:23:33
Have I mentioned that Borderlands 2 is ridiculously fun on the XBox? Because, oh hell yes it is!

2012-09-25 10:11:24
RT @shannonwoodward: Watch me have a fake orgasm next to a tiny Shetland pony! #shamelesspromotion #sexsells #sharehope http://t.co/wJE2 …

2012-09-26 09:48:43
I made it well into my 20’s before I realized that Edie Brickell wasn’t singing “fuck me in the shallow water”

2012-09-27 04:24:36
Tasted… No chewing… RT @davehogg @BaDawnKDonk @aiela At least I didn’t eat it like @jer_! I’m just skipping it on the lake!

2012-10-03 02:49:31
I’m very happy that this now exists! RT @eacarlson @jer_ Okay, I’m done being cryptic–here’s what I’ve been up to! :) http://t.co/gHR7wQwv

2012-10-03 10:10:56
RT @pattonoswalt: It doesn’t matter that Mitt lied through his fucking teeth. He had to change the narrative. He did it. #sociopath #d …

2012-10-04 10:40:59
RT @madhattersez: WHY?! RT @muskrat_john Unfortunately hidden “Anywhere Else” turns Madison TOYS-R-US sign into existential cry for help …

2012-10-05 08:36:25
I just learned that ‘wildebeast’ refers to a specific animal (a gnu) and is not a generic term for a wild animal. #crushed

2012-10-05 12:22:01
Spare me the meddling idiocy of people trying to peddle their time management strategies to me. Call it cocky, but I think I’m all set…

2012-10-08 23:26:37
RT @eacarlson: Hey #Detroit ladies: want to learn to code? We want to meet you! Join us at the @girldevelopit Detroit launch party! http …

2012-10-10 02:21:49
(Probably not appropriate for me to go there to meet ladies, eh?) ;p

2012-10-10 02:23:28
She thinks she’s starting a professional relationship. He thinks he’s starting a personal one. Sexual harassment? http://t.co/uPGMrtup

2012-10-11 02:21:40
Oh, and a kick to the nuts if you claim she was “asking” for the behavior with the hug or innocuous mention of strip clubs…

2012-10-11 02:30:41
QotD: “It’s not like the number was just made up…it’s from the Bible!”

2012-10-13 22:28:10
Connecting to WCF from Perl can eat a bag of dicks…

2012-10-17 18:24:43
Hey @androidcentral welcome to my Google search block list for auto-starting, loud video ads. Dicks.

2012-10-19 02:30:31
RT @robdelaney: Baller move would be for Obama to immediately donate SIX million to charity, take his kids to lunch, then kiss Michelle …

2012-10-25 15:21:15
RT @shannonwoodward: Oh hey you can text msg on planes now but gay humans can’t marry & ppl w lady parts are having their bodies con …

2012-10-27 15:34:51
Shit just got real, yo! RT @atdt1991 @jer_ Tazers are now legal in MI. Just sayin’.

2012-10-31 16:31:21
{{innuendo fueled pun implying that my pen is has penetrated Illinois}}

2012-11-02 20:31:55
For @quizzicalpussy: http://t.co/b97yq5Sl xoxo @Ellalthea @BaDawnKDonk

2012-11-03 20:04:48
Lol RT @robdelaney I was considering voting for @MittRomney, but then I remembered I ENTERED THE WORLD THROUGH A VAGINA.

2012-11-06 12:36:08
This is a great place to pick up chicks! Captive audience…everyone is age verified…average age is about 100…wait,what?

2012-11-06 13:11:48
Well, the people behind me aren’t my friends anymore. Them: “what’s with these lines?” Me: “probably Obama’s fault” Them: *shunning me*

2012-11-06 13:11:52
I’m surprised it took so long. Out by the demo ballot I described Prop 2 as “giving atheists the right to marry housecats”

2012-11-06 13:11:53
RT @Penguicon: Planning meeting reminder Sunday, November 11 @ i3detroit starting @ 1pm

2012-11-09 05:05:16
RT @gamrillen: There’s no need to tailgate me, especially when I’m going 35 over the limit. PS, the flashing lights on the top of your c …

2012-11-09 12:29:24
RT @wilw: This is the best Condescending Wonka of all time. OF ALL TIME. http://t.co/d1fwagIG

2012-11-10 03:20:26
Riots, suburban sprawl, Kid Rock, and now @amyschumer’s tour doesn’t come here…it’s hard living in Detroit!

2012-11-10 12:45:45
Hey, @i3detroit 8====================D HAI!

2012-11-11 19:00:24
Victoria Jackson is still alive!? She is, and tweeting racist, misogynist, xenophobic drivel: @vicjackshow. She’s never been so funny! #sad

2012-11-13 11:12:38
RT @geekable: America! A nation of folks who can’t lose weight because they were born fat, but are working on praying away the gay.

H …

2012-11-22 19:55:33
Eclipse starts….now!

2012-11-25 17:50:28
Where I’m from, one says “I love you” by not being emotionally abusive…but marriage is good too! #Eclipse

2012-11-25 17:55:05
Bella, you have to understand…I control you. You do what I say. Where I come from, this is ALSO how I say “I love you”. Xoxo, Edward

2012-11-25 17:59:23
Bella emotion-watch: slight happiness. That makes 2 expressions so far #Eclipse #DeadEyes

2012-11-25 18:06:01
The bad-ass guitar riff to play Jacob back on screen….that’s never been done before! #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:09:43
Werewolves, easily identifiable by their lack of shirts…. #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:12:04
I wonder if they get a reduced rate on scriptwriting by using sentence fragments and angsty pauses in place of dialog #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:14:56
Literally the ONLY distraction that would work is gut-wounding yourself? Try throwing a rock, or shouting “what’s that”… #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:25:43
“I’m gonna fight for you until your heart stops beating”…not as romantic as the script writers might have thought #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:33:43
“I kissed her, then she broke her hand hitting my face.” Then she blackened her eye on the doorknob? Fell down the stairs?

2012-11-25 18:35:22
Dakota Fanning is doing the greatest acting of her life by channeling Kristen Stewart’s single emotion. Impressive. #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:41:33
“This could turn into a bloodbath”…you’re a vampire, why do you say this like it’s a bad thing? #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:44:38
“This is going to be a regular bath”…now THAT is something a vampire might dislike…”This is going to be a vegetarian meal”… #Eclipse

2012-11-25 18:47:04
It seems all vampire fights involve running at each other very fast. Tying your opponent’s shoelaces together would probably be devastating

2012-11-25 18:50:42
“We need a plot contrivance that allows shirtless Jake to carry Bella around.”
“Does it have to be plausible?”
“Why should we start now?”

2012-11-25 19:00:58
How are psych classes not using this movie as a textbook series of examples of manipulation and control. And bad acting. And poor plotting.

2012-11-25 19:13:42
“Jacob” is apparently the native American term for “cockblocker” #Eclipse

2012-11-25 19:17:14
Whoah, what the shit? Suddenly, defying convention, there is legitimate, interesting dialog. Of course, Bella slept through it… #Eclipse

2012-11-25 19:21:51
“Jake…STAY!” Get it…because he’s a doggie! I wish that had been on purpose, but I doubt it. #Eclipse

2012-11-25 19:24:40
Bella is back awake…the dialog is back to hackneyed and trite. Maybe that’s her vampire power. #Eclipse

2012-11-25 19:26:37
How do you make battle scenes between fucking werewolves and fucking vampires boring? Two words: clothesline fight #Eclipse

2012-11-25 19:28:52
Okay, in the grand scheme…”You’re dead” followed immediately by a wolf ripping your fucking hand off is pretty sweet. #Eclipse

2012-11-25 19:33:23
Kristen Stewart’s acting is the equivalent of Eddie Vedder’s vocals…serviceable, but not really an example of the concept. #Eclipse

2012-11-25 20:04:58
The movie is over…now the only thing I was looking forward to in the last flick, the fighting, is suspect. #Eclipse

2012-11-25 20:05:03
Yes. RT @geekable So @JennyJohnsonHi5 spends months tweeting shitty things to Chris Brown, then when he finally responds HE’S the dick?

2012-11-27 02:46:21
She deserves a good battering? RT @geekable When everyone is done yelling at Chris Brown…maybe someone could go have a talk with Rihanna?

2012-11-27 02:59:10
Actually, if he hits her, I can RT @geekable No, from press accounts, she’s now Chris Brown’s girlfriend again. #cannotblamethatoneonchris

2012-11-27 03:11:03
Fun fact, dudes: regardless of how many times a woman goes back to her abuser, it’s still his fault he abuses her. Period. Full stop.

2012-11-27 03:12:07
Is it wise to return to your abuser? No. Does it shift the blame to you for doing so? No. Never. There is a lot underneath that return.

2012-11-27 03:14:41
Still shame on me, BECAUSE I AM HITTING YOU. This is an easy concept RT @geekable @jer_ Hit me once, shame on you. Hit me twice…

2012-11-27 03:31:27
Fun fact 2: If, after battering a person severely, you’re so remorseless that you get a tat of her beaten face, you might just get mocked

2012-11-27 03:41:52
It is constructive to ask “how do we get women out of abusive relationships” It’s not helpful to imply she deserves it. http://t.co/7OIQgGhH

2012-11-27 04:17:10
It bears repeating that you can’t reach me via private social media messages. Email me (jer at ibloviate org) instead of DM, FB msgs, etc

2012-12-04 04:12:13
Wait a minute…yesterday was only Thursday!? Fuck! I don’t suppose we all agreed to skip Friday this week, eh?

2012-12-07 11:26:42
Hahahahah…ha ha ha… RT @mattmireles Lulz. RT @joestump: I am in fucking tears http://t.co/idxr8zW7

2012-12-07 11:57:57
*Hears ‘Titanium’* “Hey, I think I like David Guetta” *Listens to more Guetta* “Nope, nevermind”

2012-12-08 03:56:38
*eyes dick and fruitcake* You win this round, Jenny! RT @JennyJohnsonHi5 I’d rather someone send me a severed dick than a holiday fruitcake.

2012-12-09 18:50:53
Damn right that @SeedIsSacred…that’s why I ask my women not to spill any! #SeedIsSacred

2012-12-10 03:31:52
QotD: “So your wife is a female brony?”

2012-12-10 20:12:04
Would Right to Work weaken unions…very possibly. Isn’t that each individual’s choice to make though?

2012-12-12 11:30:46
Hers (bottom) was opened first… RT @aglance_ These are the fortunes that @jer_and i received tonight: http://t.co/97DBc6hx

2012-12-13 23:59:04
Yep…it’s time for us Americans to give up…just aim our nukes straight up in the air, launch them, and wait. http://t.co/wEBPOkBv

2012-12-17 13:56:53
“Woah, Instagram, you want to take my pictures without compensation? Bullshit!” -the Internet, while torrenting movies, books & music

2012-12-19 11:11:33
Hitting on a chick while holding a box of condoms and picking up a prescription for antibiotics…beyond my skill level!

2012-12-19 23:26:29
The world didn’t end yet… #2012isRuined

2012-12-21 13:41:47
“We’re taking the Jeep, it’s supposed to be an adventure!” -@ellalthea #TripQuotes

2012-12-23 12:41:26
That previous quote will probably be why we all die horribly with me shouting “ADVENTURE!”

2012-12-23 12:41:30
Shit! :( RT @capricecrane You can point out other people’s typos or you can have friends. But not both.

2012-12-24 14:15:48
RT @robdelaney So the shooter in Connecticut was both? RT @NRA: The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun #NRA

2012-12-24 14:18:36
I’m in an “It’s Always Sunny…” episode. Two old men telling war stories. One goes crazy racist, the other’s life is Rambo, First Blood…

2012-12-24 15:56:41
Holy shit, a third person just joined the crew, and now they are discussing killing ‘vc’ and other less pleasant terms. Ger wants me to join

2012-12-24 15:56:48
Mostly for @ellalthea… http://t.co/RARodER7

2012-12-29 15:41:58
Finally configured http://t.co/HlFjcIOw to use quotes marked QOTD on my Twitter feed in the header and quotes page http://t.co/feXqnPHe

2012-12-29 18:25:51
Nearly 600 posts of sarcasm, snark, and (occasionally) humor from 2012… http://t.co/o9O2zeoK #2012Tweets

2012-12-30 21:26:28

Jer Lance

Tweets of 2012

Things I Said on Twitter in 2012

4 thoughts on “Tweets of 2012”

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