Fun fact: if your friends and family are sharing this idiotic vaccine schedule comparison on social media, they’re fucking morons.

I know, I know, you’re already shaking your head and clucking your tongue at how mean it is to call these simpletons morons, but bear with me here, because I’m not the only one that must think that the sort of folk likely to share this are not blessed with an over-abundance of brains—the people who MADE the document knew it too. Here’s how I know:

1. They inflated the 2016 list by adding more than 20 items to the list that aren’t vaccinations or aren’t a part of the vaccination schedule . They aren’t routine vaccinations. (Fucking VITAMIN K is on the list)
2. They deflated the 1960 list by leaving off at least two vaccinations that I noticed at a glance (smallpox and polio).
3. Here’s my favorite: they then put the number 70 next to a list that contains less than 60 items knowing that their constituency would run out of fingers and toes before they got anywhere near high enough to call them on it. (for those keeping score, that means the list is actually closer to 10 vs 35ish…but who’s counting)
4. My second favorite: they included 18 years worth of vaccinations knowing that their core audience’s attention span would only last through about a third of the list before they hit “share” in a blind rage.

The real crime in all of this, though, is the stupidity that underlies the core message…the real message here actually translates to “we knew everything we needed to know about medicine 55 years ago, why change now?” Should we exclude all medications since 1960? Let’s assume that I agree with the wrongheaded notions implied by this empty-headed list; that means we need to lobby to rid ourselves of: heart transplants, Lyme disease treatments, HIV treatments, ultrasounds, cochlear implants, MRIs, CAT scans, PET scans, the entire concept of antivirals, insulin pumps (sorry diabetics), not to mention hundreds or thousands of medicines that are used commonly to both prolong life and improve the quality of that lengthened life.

Let’s remove the decade of life expectancy we’ve gained since 1960, while we’re “fixing” progress.

I get it, many of you grew up in a generation that was told that nobody was smarter than you, nobody was better than you, and you were just as intelligent, athletic, and useful as anybody else in the world. You have a participant trophy from your 10th grade tee-ball team hanging next to your 20th runner up spelling bee ribbon to back it up. Understand, though, that there are people smarter than you, and there are certainly people more educated than you—especially on this topic.

There are people that have studied for years to learn about this shit, and your 8 minutes researching at Google University doesn’t mean shit compared to that. I don’t care how smart you think you are; you’re not…and you’re dooming your already-hamstrung-by-having-a-stupid-fucking-parent offspring to the risk of death due to polio, measles, mumps, etc. You endanger the lives of people with compromised immune systems that can’t get vaccines because your parents were assholes that told you that whatever clever idea you get in your empty head is just as good as a degree.

But sure, continue to spray your ignorance of mercury, aluminum, formaldehyde, and statistics…nothing will show the rest of us just how right your mommies and daddies were like your broadcast ignorance over the sound of your kid’s whooping cough.

Breathe, Jer…breathe.

Anyway, if your family or friends are posting that piece of ignorance, my apologies that they’re so stupid. Here’s hoping you don’t have to do holidays with them!