I have so much going on at the moment; several cool development projects to work on that I’m really excited about, numerous books on the queue, the weather is nice and the bikes and kayaks are calling, there are some recently released video games that I enjoy quite a bit, I have writing ideas that sound like fun, my foot pain seems to be improving…I’m surrounded by great shit and life is, by any real measure, great!
I’m also finding it borderline impossible to get the ambition together to do almost anything with any of it. At work, I struggle to maintain concentration while working on even the most simple task. At home, even reading a book or playing a game sounds like more effort than I have energy. Even writing this blog post feels like a herculean effort. I nap a lot, despite not feeling particularly tired (which means that I don’t sleep well at night).
I’m not sure what it is, and I don’t much like it. It feels an awful lot like what people describe depression as, but I don’t know that I feel “depressed” per se. What I do feel is a complete absence of ambition, essentially no energy, and mentally exhausted all of the time without any real reason to feel that way.